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summer is almost ending

 But it seems like it's only starting for me! In four days that is.

Eating watermelons and listening to Tahiti 80's Easy makes me feel so summeryy. They sound so much like Rooney though.

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I miss Inay, Ama and Cubby already! :'(

For now, I will be saying good-bye to this blog.  Find me at Wordpress, christineasuncion. :D

Czar, if you're reading this, hallooowwww I followed you! I couldn't bear you leaving me. hahaha.

happy mother's day

 happy mother's day to all the mothers and second mothers out there! The world is kinder because of you.


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Just when I was already so near getting over you, you just had to text me. How harsh love life can be.

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Finally watched RIO!!!! Ohmman, it was sooo cute. I wish I'd meet my own geek soon! hahahaha.

where would you go?




Where would you go? Not long ago
I've been thinking out loud why so suddenly?
Don't you know? Don't do it
What you do, oh what you do to me

Forever is a long, long time when you've lost your way
Trying to follow your ideal
Oh sorry but your so called life it is such a waste

Wear your real eyes
No, you don't realize
What you say yes to
But you say yes to

Where would you go
Where would you go with a lasso?
Could you run into, could you run into
Could you go and run into me?

Where would you go
Where would you go tied up to a lasso?
Could you run into, could you run into
Could you go and run into me?

So lonely, so pretty such a lack of diplomacy
(From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/p/phoenix-lyrics/lasso-lyrics.html)
You can't get out
Don't you know, don't do it
What you do, well you should do to me

Far out, so far out, such a fallout
Not only that you're lonely
Don't matter if you're not so well
No, you're not so well

Where would you go
Where would you go with a lasso?
Could you run into, could you run into
Could you go and run into me?

Where would you go
Where would you go tied up to a lasso?
Could you run into, could you run into
Could you go and run into me?

Wear your real eyes
No, you don't realize
What you say yes to
But you say yes to

Forever is a long, long time when you've lost your way
Forever is a long, long time when you've lost your way

family

The days after graduation have been relatively quiet.  If there's one thing I realized again, it's the inevitable: life is a circle.  One time you're up, the next time you're down.  Although I find it stupid to believe in the saying that "pag masyado kang masaya, iiyak ka na mamaya" because that's really bound to happen, this is what just happened.  The euphoria of my graduation has ended with my mom having to undergo radiation and chemotherapy yet again.  But I can't complain.  God has been extremely good to us.  Since 1998, my mom has been battling and surviving cancer well.  In fact, in those 13 years, she has never stopped working.  We live comfortably, and when the going gets tough, somehow God always finds a way to provide.  My gratitude is beyond what my actions can justify, yet sometimes I honestly lose focus on the important things in life.  I think of comfort, I think of clothes, I think of boys, I think of whatever, and when a problem comes up, I thank God because I think of family and I think of other people who think of food, and who think of a house, and who think of lost parents.  When my dad came home last week to tell us what the doctors said, I guiltily thought of my internship in Malaysia.  I know that trip would teach me a lot and open doors for me, but I knew with the turn of events the trip could be as good as cancelled.  Our maid is leaving the end of this month and my mom's secretary will be resigning in the 15th of May.  I knew I couldn't leave because my brother can't handle the other responsibilities I would leave as well.  My mom already sent invitation letters for my graduation celebration.  The night they came home with the news, my parents told me it would be cancelled.  It was fine with me because it was their idea anyway and it doesn't matter.  I prepared myself to giving up the internship as well, but surprisingly, my parents didn't even bat an eyelash when they asked me about updates for the internship.  They were still letting me go.  And to make me comfortable about going, they were even letting my brother go to a seminar in Davao while I'll be away.  I told them okay, but I resisted entertaining the thought of still going while I observed how my mom would be during the radiation.  Lo and behold, four days into the treatment, and my mom is doing fine.  Thank God.  And so, I have decided to go.  I will not waste the 6 weeks, I swear I can't.

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While riding the jeepney this morning under the extreme heat of the sun, we passed by Libertad market.  I looked out the door and watched the people bear the harsh summer.  As the jeepney crawled on in the sea of people mixed with warm wafts of that distinct market odor, I saw a man pushing a "kariton" with a few bukos left.  It was only the man I saw at first.  As I focused my consciousness on the scene, I then saw that his little daughter was riding the kariton and dancing her heart out.  Then I noticed that the man was walking beside a woman who looked like 20 years his junior but at the same time could have been his wife.  She held another baby in her arms.  Together, they were all laughing as they watched their little daughter dance.  With only a battered umbrella to shield them from the sun and their feet to carry them to the next possible place to earn a living, I knew that moment I saw was as precious to them as to me.  A moment of true happiness that only real love can provide and protect.  And to me, a moment of realization again that although there are a lot of important things out there waiting to be conquered, you need not look too far beyond to realize that the most important thing is just beside you.

a walk to remember

 Last Wednesday morning, I submitted my final paper for one of my electives at the Marine Science Institute.  After that, I had to go to the College of Engineering to check out something so I tried to decide between taking a jeep or walking.  In my usual tamad-mode, which was what I felt like that morning, I would have took a jeepney.  But then I suddenly realized, in true melodramatic style, that in a few days, I won't be walking around the university as a student anymore.  After graduation, I would no longer walk UP as a part of it, but essentially as someone who once took part in it.  Everything I will take in from then on would be efforts to relive memories, instead of taking in the actual memory.  From then on, I might always compare things I will see with things that I saw, instead of seeing things and taking them in as they are.  

I took my time as I walked up the slope where almost every freshman walked to get to his or her first Math class in UP.  I laughed inside when I realized how awkward what I was trying to do was, and I couldn't help but smile and wonder when a large  butterfly suddenly flew straight to my path and landed beside my feet.  I stared at it for a while and wondered if it was dying or just wished to do that, then decided to just leave it be and walk on.  How dramatic. :))

It was just a short walk to Engineering, but a more thoughtful one than the usual.  I reached my college with nothing much on mind, simply the thought that graduation is an impending fact and that I'm beginning to miss school.  

Funny how boundaries can give you comfort.  :)

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corrupted culture

 With the recent turn of events, it seems like corruption is already inherent in our culture.  Sociologists should make it their research to identify what aspect of our culture has caused this viral spread of such trait.  While it may be true that not everyone has in one way or another contributed to the growth of corruption, given a bribe, or abused power...most of us are guilty of it if we consider the lowest form.  It is true that we are not the only corrupt government in the globe, but being one of the most corrupt, one must think what exactly makes this system work? Maybe democracy will never work in our country.  Maybe this is the result of years of colonial rule.  But all of that are just musings.  Maybe we need a dictator to put us in our toes.  Is it the culture of indifference that allows us to just tolerate corruption.  Or is the idea of "utang ng loob" that binds us into doing things we know aren't right but can't beg off from doing because this construct dictates on us that to be good, one must repay the "utang".  Or maybe it's even indolence.  Because of a defective system, we often choose the crooked way just out of convenience.  For the investors, it's like making them choose between the crooked way or no other way.  And why is the defective system still defective even after years and years of criticizing it?  Maybe because we as people find it hard to be frank, much more to a friend.  We tend to prefer peace for the sake of peace rather than confront people for the sake of justice and equity.  Maybe that's why we're known to be so hospitable.  

But anyway, the important question here is what do we do?  Certainly NOT CONTINUE WITH  THE STATUS QUO.  I hope the death of Angelo Reyes teaches us a lesson that it is a shame to live such a life.  However magnanimous he was with all that bonuses he got with his friends, it did not save whatever reputation he established in the past.  As in the movie Igor, "it's better to be a good nobody than an evil somebody."  He wasted his talent, his promise, and basically his entire life for the wrong reasons.  And now his critics suddenly feel a little bit of guilt.  If they were clean and straight, then they shouldn't.  Let's just clear out the entire closet and get on with getting out of this circus.

:)

Yesterday, I met so many inspiring people.  From that gifted guy in the College of Music, to Dr. CP David, to Associate Justice Sereno, to those outstanding students, and to Sir Jethro Rafael of Van Gogh is Bipolar. hands down.  They are all inspirations to everyone around them...because they do what they love, and they love what they're doing, however hard the resistance is. :)

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And I hope I got good advice from Sir Jet, he said the best thing to eat when you're depressed is walnuts or a banana. So it sounds like a banana split is good.  :9

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I love the sound of the harp. :)

R.I.P. N5310

I woke up this morning and found my phone dead. My phone was unresponsive to whatever I pressed. I feel so bad about it, especially when I need my phone this week. I ate a whole can of Libby's vienna sausage out of exasperation of trying to fix it. T_T. I even thought, since we have the same phone, maybe the death of my phone is symbolic. hahaha. whatever. I need a new phone ASAP. :|

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I actually feel sick right now. I'm not sure if it's because of the phone or if it's because of all the homework I haven't started. I just got here in Makati after commuting from Cavite. Maybe I'm just tired. I feel like sleeping. But I'm hungry too.

@_@

The confusion of feeling too much is driving me to a very rigid, stationary state.

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I think I'll sleep na.

not really aMUSEd

It sucks that my really heavy Perry's Chemical Engineering Handbook which is almost 4 inches thick destroyed the "m" in my keyboard because it accidentally lifted it while I was maneuvering the book on top of the laptop. So now I have to press extra hard if I want to type m. Not to mention the always backspace then re-type words that I missed the "m" in.

Kanina muntikan na masira yung USB slot dahil din dun. >.<

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I have the sucky, sickly feeling again of being I L.

Get over it.

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plant design and world design

 I can't believe I took 5 hours to design the heat exchanger.  Or more like 1 whole day if you count in all the hours in between I wasted on resting and mindless surfing just to avoid going back to work.  The good thing though is I'm feeling much better and I'm back in the mood to finish this thing.  

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Last week, while I was with my cousins, we broached the topic of death.  It reminded me of the days I was depressed because I was afraid of dying.  I was afraid of the vast expanse of the universe just outside the big ball of Earth.  I was afraid of the promise of eternity, because if afterlife is forever, then I'm not sure if I'm going to be happy about that.  The whole idea of eternity scares me.  I don't know why.  But if on the other hand my consciousness will cease to exist when I die, then I wouldn't know how I'd feel about that because it wouldn't matter.  I'm guilty of thinking of the possibility of reincarnation in this life.  Because it's less scary then being thrown into a vortex of souls while waiting for judgement.  But then, reincarnation would mean no escape to the destruction of the world being done by mankind.  In addition, reincarnation doesn't fit in the Catholic model, so I don't really know when that will end.  Or is it possible that our consciousness is nothing more than a result of the mysterious and highly complicated workings of our best differentiated cells in our brain, posing an existence of a soul when there's none.

But of course, I do believe in souls.  But what if?

Sometimes, I also think about eternity in heaven.  I believe in heaven, and so do most religions, unless you're an atheist or something.  But as a human being, it bothers me that I cannot imagine what kind of happiness would exist in a place where we are all equal and my mom won't be my mom, my dad won't be my dad, there will be no husbands or wives, and the destruction of worldy relationships goes on and on.  What kind of love would be left to feel?  But who am I to question that promise?  Perhaps I should not even worry about it.  But I can't help it.

Yesterday, we were lucky to have a particle physicist (who works in CERN, specifically in the Large Hadron Collider Facility) as a lecturer in our STS class.  Particle physicists, based on my limited understanding of them, basically study the particles that make up our whole universe.  Their ultimate dream, still based on my understanding, is to synthesize the composition and the laws that govern the universe in a balanced and symmetrical model that would explain everything.  To non-physicists, it is very hard to grasp what importance quarks, leptons and bosons would have in our daily lives.  But I think particle physicists are just like everyone else, they are on the search to give meaning to our existence, to explain our beginning, and predict our ending.  Except they have high mental capacities and they want to quantify and materialize everything.  I've always thought as physicists as the supreme definition of coolness.  Especially the ones who never lose touch of real life.  But so what if they find out the most sought-after secrets of the universe?  Would that explain afterlife? 

We can always define our point of existence in this world.  Everything we choose and everything we do defines what we live for, and eventually what we'll die for.  It's great that we can live our life by our own choice.  I think I'll never discover what after-life is until I die.  I'm still scared.  But what's the point of worrying?  Maybe I just ought to enjoy this life.  But that makes me think of other people who don't have the luxury of enjoying this life, is it really their problem?

Life is just so full of questions.  But as they say, wisdom is not having the answers to everything, but knowing what's worth answering and what's not...or something like that.

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So I'll just finish 2 more equipments and get on with living.  

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I'm going to make a real bucket list!! Have to buy a box first! haha.


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I'm happy right now...and I hope...or not...

just enjoy it.  hope causes pain. >.<  The right time will come.